Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
