I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
