This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
