my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
