She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
