So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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