dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
