Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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