honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
