i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
