i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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