Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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