Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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