I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
