i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I want to fling myself into the sun
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
