I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
