My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
