Acid is not a monday night drug
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
