wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
