Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
