sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
