She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
