i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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