I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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