What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize