the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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