Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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