You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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