I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize