I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just threw up on my dentist
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
