Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
