my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
third nipple confirmed
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
