Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
