I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
