she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
