She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
