I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
