Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
