You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
