you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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