Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
