'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think a kid would responsible me up
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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