dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
