I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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