"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
