Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
