The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
the raccoons are back...
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