I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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