My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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