so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
