Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
