There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dick very happy bro
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
