if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
