got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
