don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
