remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
