The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
