I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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