I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
