one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
