Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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