4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
