So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Houston, we have a squirter
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If I die, sorry about rent.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
