After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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