the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
