im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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