rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
