real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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