zippers are such a cool invention
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
