Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
