yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
