see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
