Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
