I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
