So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
