I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
