Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
