I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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