what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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