she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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