A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
