Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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