I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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