Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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