just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
