i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize