I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
