HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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