i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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