i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
