i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
