I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
