I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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