Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
