Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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