did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
