I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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