fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
